The Dueling Dutch Woman

The Adventures of a Middle Aged Dutch Woman

Archive for wildflowers

Poppies and such…

I’ve decided not to read in bed anymore. It was disturbing my night’s sleep and upsetting my schedule because I got too caught up in the book and didn’t go to sleep when I was supposed to. So now I only read during the day in my armchair whenever I have a spare moment and I do have enough of them. I don’t read non stop because I don’t completely want to lose myself in the book to the exclusion of everything else. It is so easy to lose track of everything and time and forget the world around me. So I do put a limit on how much time I spend reading at one stretch. Every once in a while I have to put down the book and do something completely different.

It’s not like it was in the olden days when I could let myself go and spend a whole afternoon doing nothing but read and completely shut out the world around me. I don’t feel comfortable doing that anymore. I would feel too disconnected. I do feel that I regularly have to stay in touch with reality and be reminded of it and even take part in it. I also have to do the ordinary things like the dishes and walk the dog and watch the news on TV. The last is especially important because it makes me feel connected to the here and now and that’s very important to me.

I suppose that’s why I like listening to the radio so much when I lie in bed at night. The programs deal with current events and I always feel up to date and I hear a lot of the news on the radio. I hear more of the details that I don’t hear on the news on TV.  There are a lot of background stories and interesting guests on the talk shows. The same goes for when I take my nap in the afternoon because I go to sleep listening to political discussions about some current issue. I’m better informed now that I listen to the radio than I was before and all sorts of points of view are represented, though they all are sensible ones and well thought out. There’s no idiotic shouting just to make noise and intimidate. Everything is very civilized.

The fields have been mowed and the wildflowers have been cut down. Except for in the flowerbeds, there are no poppies left. All the chamomile has been cut down too. Now I’ll have to wait a while and see what comes up next. It’s still raining regularly, so hopefully that will help with whatever is going to decide to grow. It’s a shame to see everything gone, but it can’t be helped. Beside the street, on the stretches of grass that have not been mowed, there is wild yarrow growing and I hope to see more of it. There’s always hope for new plants.

Today is going to be a peaceful day. The Exfactor will be here to do the groceries, thank goodness, because I’m almost out of milk. I don’t have any appointments. I didn’t think it was necessary to make one with my psychiatrist and my SPN is on holiday until the 27th.  I will see her next week but I don’t have any pressing problems. I don’t consider the issue of the ‘Black Dog’ serious enough. He is slowly slinking away. I do have to have some amount of self sufficiency and to be able to get myself through these spells. It’s good for my ego if I do. I do have to show some amount of inner strength.

It’s going to rain again today and it will be for the rest of the week. I don’t mind it too much as long as I get the chance to take out the dog regularly. It’s quite cozy inside when it’s raining. I still have the bedroom windows open and it’s not cold inside, though outside it isn’t all that warm. I just have to make sure that I wear enough clothes. My black leather jacket is coming in real handy, although it’s getting a little big on me.

I haven’t been on the bathroom scale, but I think I’m losing weight because my latest skirt is getting a bit big on me, even after I washed it. I’ll have to try and remember to get on the scale when I get up again this morning and I’m in my underwear. That’s always when I weigh the least and that’s the weight I go by. I do want to weigh myself at the most opportune moment.

I’m going back to bed. It will be nice and warm in there under the duvet.

Have a good morning when you get up.




>Late night thoughts…


My sister had given me a package of organically grown coffee and I made a pot of it just now, but I have to say that I don’t like the taste of it very much. I made it just as strong as I made the regular coffee, but it doesn’t pack a punch. You can’t look a gift horse in the mouth and I will finish it all up, although it is with a bit of resistance. Maybe I will get used to the taste of it after a few pots, but organically grown is not necessarily better.
It was coffee she no longer used because she has a complicated Krupp machine now that makes all sorts of coffee and grinds whole beans. Before that, I never thought I had a decent cup of coffee at her house, but I thought she was just not very good at making coffee. Now I understand why that was. She made the coffee too weak and it was organic. Another mystery solved. 
Her Italian friend tweaked the Krupp machine yesterday and fixed me a most excellent cappuccino in a tall glass that I really savored, so I know now to always have him make my cappuccinos. It must be because he’s Italian that he knows how to fix them so well. The milk was foamed to perfection.

As we speak a mixture of Dutch and English and Italian when we are together, we are all starting to understand each other in these languages. We switch from one to another without realizing that we do, although I’m very limited in Italian. I did guess the correct word for pillow, which is ‘il cushino.’  
We sat in the garden in the sunshine and as I sat with my back towards the sunlight, I’ve got a tan line there and on my shoulders. My dress was low cut in the back. The fence blocked the cool wind that was blowing and it was lovely. We moved our chairs as the shade of the house moved across the garden. 
On the fields by my apartment, the dandelions have all gone to seed, but the daisies are still blooming. There is also purple clover now and there are yellow buttercups all over. I’ve even see the first pink poppies. It is a joy to walk the dog and to discover the new wildflowers. There are some other very small ones in different colors, but they are so little, that they hardly show up. There are bees buzzing around now too, but luckily I have no fear of them. I’ve never been stung by one. 
All in all, it was a wonderful lazy day yesterday as Sundays should be. It was truly a day of rest and I didn’t even get around to doing the dishes that I should have done. I was also going to change my bed, but I didn’t get around to that either. Those will be jobs for today. That’s what Mondays are for, after all. I do have a clean set of sheets and pillow cases. It’s the pillow cases that I always run out of. I have to get more of those with four pillows on my bed.
I’m truly thankful for the mood I find myself in. It’s neither high nor low, but nicely in between. I guess I’m doing something right. If only I could figure out what the magic ingredients are, I would keep adding them every day. I would subtract whatever did not fit into the picture. It’s such a relief to be balanced. I’d wish for it every day. I suppose that would bring me the greatest happiness. 
I’ve had a glass of milk, but the taste of that coffee is still in the back of my mouth. It really isn’t very good. I think that maybe I will just keep it for emergencies. There’s no sense in drinking something against your will. That’s not what life is all about. You always need to find the most enjoyable experience as long as you don’t hurt anyone with it. I’m sure my sister won’t mind if I don’t like her coffee. I don’t think she was too thrilled about it herself, but bought it out of a sense of responsibility. She had a wacky little coffeemaker when she moved to her new house until the Krupp machine arrived.
I’ve got to think about going to bed, although I’m not nearly ready to. I’m enjoying the peace of the nighttime too much. 
I hope you’re all sleeping tightly or are about to. 

>A caffeinated post…


Without giving you the impression that I’m hypo-manic, I do have to say that I’m sitting here quite contentedly and that must be because I’ve already had four hours of sleep and one delicious cup of coffee. As happens once in a while, I got the amount of ground coffee just right and turned out a delicious pot of it that’s not too bitter or too strong. It does not make my mouth pucker with the awful taste of it. It was a gentle and nicely brewed cup of coffee that I drank and I’m getting ready for my second one. 
I feel good, but I’m not on a high. My eyeballs aren’t popping out of my head from excitement, nor am I thinking that I’m omnipotent and all knowing and have the answer to every question. I’m reasonable and sane, but doesn’t every lunatic think that he is? The proof will be in the pudding and the pudding will be this post. You’ll be able to judge me on the contents and the reasonableness of it. I hope to make complete sense while still being amusing.
Yesterday afternoon I took the dog for a long walk and I saw my first buttercups. I saw them under two trees on a stretch of grass beside the sidewalk. I thought that was very fortunate because I had just mentioned them on my other blog. It’s the only place I saw them. I also saw my first dandelions, but I was not as thrilled about them. I’m waiting to see buttercups in the fields now, besides the many daisies that are there, and I suppose the clover will be next, both purple and white. I’m going to keep careful track of which wildflowers pop up where and when. 
Hopefully I’ll know their names. It will be a good reason to take the dog on longer walks. I know of one place that’s good for many kinds of wildflowers and if there are going to be any, that’s the place to look for them. It’s a ways out of town on the edge of it, but maybe I can walk there this afternoon after the domestic help has been here. It’s supposed to be nice weather today with sunshine and pleasant temperatures, so it would be a good time to go. The exercise would do us both good and I’d have a goal. 
Speaking of goals, I was watching the highlights of some rugby games yesterday and that’s a rough sport. Those guys get thrown around and pounced upon like nothing else. I’m sure their poor bodies are scraped and bruised like no others when they’re done with their game. Footballers are ninnies compared to them. And I wonder who washes their clothes because they were covered in grass and dirt stains. I’m sure the wives don’t have to do the washing at home. I think this was the Six Nation League Championship and I think England won. It was very exciting to watch.  
I also always watch the highlights of the football games and I’m glad they are the highlights only because I could not sit through a whole game unless they were the championships for something. At least with the highlights you get to see the most exciting bits. They show them from all the games that have been played during the week, so there’s a lot. I’m not for any team in specific yet, although I think I’m starting to root for FC Twenthe. They’re in second place now. It would be nice to see them at the top again. They were the champions last year. 
The sports news was regularly interrupted with news about the situation in Libya. The latest I heard was that Qaddafi wanted a cease fire and I hope he is serious this time because he’s wanted one several times before and didn’t keep his word. I hope for the people in Misrata that this time it’s true, but I think we must not take him at his word. One thing Qaddafi must not be and that is trusted. He’s too irrational for it. 
I’m amazingly calm. I don’t have that haunted and over excited feeling that I have been having at all. It’s a good thing that I’ve started using my old sleeping pills again. I sure do appreciate them after trying the other ones unsuccessfully. I guess you don’t appreciate what you have until you have to do without it. I know that shortly I will go back to bed and sleep well for another long time and that I will be well rested when I get up. My personal helper is going to be here this morning, so I do have to get up at a somewhat reasonable hour. I want to get ready and dressed before she gets here. 
The only problem is that I’m not in the least tired and I haven’t yawned once. I’m actually wide awake. I will have to stay up a while longer and wait for sleep to come and overtake me. It is too early to start the day, although I feel like doing it. I will have to see what I’m going to do with that bit of reality. How do I apply that? There’s no need to panic, of course. There’s no golden rule about when the day starts and when I’m supposed to sleep. I’ll just wait and see where the road takes me. 
Have a good day.

>Go on, make me happy…


I just got back from seeing my SPN and my psychiatrist. I also stopped by the pharmacy. They were all lightening visits and I was done everywhere in the shortest amount of time, because everything was so uncomplicated. Isn’t that nice? 
I had to get a letter to reapply for the personal helper for another year from my SPN and she had that done in no time. I hardly had to help her with it and was actually joking around and telling her to put in all sorts of nonsense. She just ignored me and I told her that that was the best thing she could do. I could not be held responsible for the contents of that letter, because I’m not that concerned about getting the reapplication approved. It either will be or not, I leave that up to fate. I do appreciate the effort she put into the letter and I will give it to my personal helper on Monday so she can fill out the rest of the paperwork.
My psychiatrist wanted to know how much weight I had lost when I saw him and it pleased me that it was that obvious. I told him that it was due to reducing the medicines and not because I was eating less, because he was concerned about that. I had to reassure him that yes, I was eating enough. He also wanted to make sure that I was absolutely doing alright and that I was not in any way hypo-manic and I tried to reassure him in the best possible way that I wasn’t without sounding like I was. Sometimes it is a little bit difficult to prove that you’re normal. You start to sound a little mad while you do. 
He wants me to get off the medication that I take to go to sleep at night and I have to start reducing it today. Instead of taking that, he wants me to try herbal medicine and I’ve picked up those tablets from the pharmacy this afternoon. It is proven that they work and I’m going to try them for a week. If I have luck with them, I’ll keep using them. I have no reason to doubt their usefulness and I’m sure they’ll work fine. I’m looking forward to going to bed tonight and trying them out. 
In the meantime, I’ve taken Tyke for a walk, because he was begging to go out. It was time for him to go according to the schedule. He had that right.  It is dark outside now, but today was a beautiful sunny day and I only needed to wear my short leather jacket and no scarf. It felt like springtime a little bit. The snowdrops are out everywhere and today I saw daisies in the fields. That was a nice surprise and it made me feel hopeful. With enough sunshine things will start popping out of the ground. 
I’ve missed watching the six o’clock news, but I’m going to sit in my armchair now and read my book until the eight o’clock news comes on. That will be a good and quiet way to pass the time. 
Have a good evening you all.