The Dueling Dutch Woman

The Adventures of a Middle Aged Dutch Woman

Archive for weightloss

Spending time quietly…

Of course, the darn dog woke me up again and I had to get him quiet as quick as possible. We kept it to one outburst and that was more than enough. It does immediately wake me up out of a sound sleep. I’m as alert as can be and practically jump out of bed. All my senses are at the ready and I can’t go back to sleep once I’ve settled him down. I think my presence reassures him and that’s what makes him relaxed enough to mellow out again. He’s now chewing on his rawhide bone and being totally unaware of everything. That’s how I like that.

I’ve made myself some coffee to clear the cobwebs from my mind. I do want to be able to think clearly when I write a post.

Much to my surprise, I’m now able to get my denim skirt off without undoing the buttons or the zipper. I did it quite by accident the other night like I used to with my other skirts when they got too big on me. I can get it back on the same way. It does save me some work. I had washed it and thought that maybe it was going to be a little tight on me, but I needn’t have worried.

This has prompted me to order some skinny jeans in a smaller size. I can wear them with all sorts of clothes and make many combinations. At least, that’s what I envision in my mind. I do look forward to getting them on Thursday and trying these things out.

I still haven’t been on the bathroom scale first thing in the morning in my underwear. I keep forgetting to get on it before I have eaten anything, but I’ll let how my clothes fit be the indicator. I’m still curious about the weight I’ve lost and I’ll try to remember to weigh myself this morning first thing when I get up again.

I don’t want to seem obsessed with my weight and my clothes, but when you have lost as much weight as I have, it is a big deal. Especially when you come within reach of your goal. I have lost more than 100 lbs. That’s as much as a skinny person. I wouldn’t be able to lift 100 lbs. Just think that I had been carrying all that weight with me. No wonder I had lower back problems.

Today is going to be a splendidly empty day. It will only be filled with laundry and walking the dog and getting the mail out of the mailbox. Isn’t that just great? And I don’t expect any important mail either. I took care of that yesterday and took care of my paperwork too. A lot of that could go into the recycle box.

Tonight starts a month full of British detective series every night. I can’t wait and I’m so thrilled about it. They must have known that I was starved for thrillers. We will have Silent Witness, Frost, Case Sensitive, Lewis and some other newer series. Oh yes, the Swedish Wallander too. My cup runneth over. You know what I will be doing every evening. I will not be bored. Thank goodness for small favors.

I’m getting tired and have to go back to bed. The early birds are singing.

Have a good day, all of you.

Ciao,

Nora

 

 

 

Advertisements

Poppies and such…

I’ve decided not to read in bed anymore. It was disturbing my night’s sleep and upsetting my schedule because I got too caught up in the book and didn’t go to sleep when I was supposed to. So now I only read during the day in my armchair whenever I have a spare moment and I do have enough of them. I don’t read non stop because I don’t completely want to lose myself in the book to the exclusion of everything else. It is so easy to lose track of everything and time and forget the world around me. So I do put a limit on how much time I spend reading at one stretch. Every once in a while I have to put down the book and do something completely different.

It’s not like it was in the olden days when I could let myself go and spend a whole afternoon doing nothing but read and completely shut out the world around me. I don’t feel comfortable doing that anymore. I would feel too disconnected. I do feel that I regularly have to stay in touch with reality and be reminded of it and even take part in it. I also have to do the ordinary things like the dishes and walk the dog and watch the news on TV. The last is especially important because it makes me feel connected to the here and now and that’s very important to me.

I suppose that’s why I like listening to the radio so much when I lie in bed at night. The programs deal with current events and I always feel up to date and I hear a lot of the news on the radio. I hear more of the details that I don’t hear on the news on TV.  There are a lot of background stories and interesting guests on the talk shows. The same goes for when I take my nap in the afternoon because I go to sleep listening to political discussions about some current issue. I’m better informed now that I listen to the radio than I was before and all sorts of points of view are represented, though they all are sensible ones and well thought out. There’s no idiotic shouting just to make noise and intimidate. Everything is very civilized.

The fields have been mowed and the wildflowers have been cut down. Except for in the flowerbeds, there are no poppies left. All the chamomile has been cut down too. Now I’ll have to wait a while and see what comes up next. It’s still raining regularly, so hopefully that will help with whatever is going to decide to grow. It’s a shame to see everything gone, but it can’t be helped. Beside the street, on the stretches of grass that have not been mowed, there is wild yarrow growing and I hope to see more of it. There’s always hope for new plants.

Today is going to be a peaceful day. The Exfactor will be here to do the groceries, thank goodness, because I’m almost out of milk. I don’t have any appointments. I didn’t think it was necessary to make one with my psychiatrist and my SPN is on holiday until the 27th.  I will see her next week but I don’t have any pressing problems. I don’t consider the issue of the ‘Black Dog’ serious enough. He is slowly slinking away. I do have to have some amount of self sufficiency and to be able to get myself through these spells. It’s good for my ego if I do. I do have to show some amount of inner strength.

It’s going to rain again today and it will be for the rest of the week. I don’t mind it too much as long as I get the chance to take out the dog regularly. It’s quite cozy inside when it’s raining. I still have the bedroom windows open and it’s not cold inside, though outside it isn’t all that warm. I just have to make sure that I wear enough clothes. My black leather jacket is coming in real handy, although it’s getting a little big on me.

I haven’t been on the bathroom scale, but I think I’m losing weight because my latest skirt is getting a bit big on me, even after I washed it. I’ll have to try and remember to get on the scale when I get up again this morning and I’m in my underwear. That’s always when I weigh the least and that’s the weight I go by. I do want to weigh myself at the most opportune moment.

I’m going back to bed. It will be nice and warm in there under the duvet.

Have a good morning when you get up.

Ciao,

Nora

Awake, am I…?

I would really and truly be sound asleep still if the dog had not woken me up, of that I am convinced. He did have to start barking and in my sleep I thought I had to remove something from his throat to make the barking stop. That’s until I woke up and I realized that was not possible and he just wanted to tell me that he had to go out back for a piddle.

Darn dog. He does have bad timing. I considered going back to bed, but then decided to stay up for a while and have my coffee and write this post. It’s good to sit here half asleep in a stupor and to try to make sense. It’s a bit of a challenge that I’m willing to take on. I do like that half awake state of being I’m in anyway. I feel sort of dopey and it’s very pleasant to force myself into the mental activity that I’m almost not up to.

No doubt I’ll be better up to it once the coffee starts working and that will be a whole different experience too. You see how I like to play with the different states of my mind and live vicariously through all of them. As long as I’m good natured, I see no problem. And good natured  I am, make no mistake about it.  As a rule, I’m not foul mooded when I wake up.

Yesterday was a fine day. It went by quickly and I enjoyed t well enough. The Exfactor was here to do the groceries and he stopped by the pet shop to buy the dog another rubber toy. It was a great success. It is a rooster instead of a rabbit like he had the last time and he’s very busy chewing it to pieces. I don’t know how long it will last, but he’s having a very good time with it.

Thank goodness there’s milk again and I can have tall glasses of it. That’s what I missed most of all. All the rest of the groceries I didn’t care about.  Not that they weren’t necessary, of course. I’ve stopped eating chocolate pudding and now have vanilla pudding instead. I thought it might be a little lower in calories. I eat the same amount every day, so maybe I will see the difference on the bathroom scale. I keep forgetting to get on it first thing in the morning in my underwear, so I don’t know exactly what I weigh now.

My psychiatrist called me and had expected me to have reduced the anti-psychotics by half a milligram starting last Friday. I had to be honest with him and tell him that I had reduced them with a full milligram two weeks ago. He was not that happy with me for taking such a chance and for not informing him earlier that I had done so. Luckily, it had a good outcome, but it very easily also could not have had. He is trying to instill in me the precariousness of my situation and the danger of slipping into an instable mood. I’m not to undertake these actions on my own.

I’m going to stay on the dose that I am on now for a while and make sure I’m completely stable. In a few months we’ll try to reduce it more. I really feel good and have no problems with my moods. I’m not going up and down and generally feel the same every day. I’m quite content with how I feel and have no complaints. I would always like to feel this good. I think what I did was the right thing. I did it instinctively and I don’t feel like I’ve made a mistake. I would have gone back to the original dose if there had been a problem.

This morning at 9 o’clock my personal helper is going to be here because she couldn’t be here on Monday. I’m looking forward to it with mixed feelings. She can help me do the dishes, so that’s good. We can walk the dog together. I don’t know what else to do with her except pass the time as well as possible.

We’re supposed to have spotty showers today, but the temperatures are going to be good. It’s not at all going to be cold. I’m looking forward to the day because, except for my personal helper, the rest of the day will be very uneventful. That’s just the way I like it. I don’t really enjoy being up that early in the morning, I like sleeping later than that, but I’ll take my usual nap in the afternoon to make up for it.

I’ve got my clothes picked out and they are very comfortable and just right for this kind of weather. I’ve been wearing my high tops because it’s so nice to walk in them and they’re easy to get on. My hair has been especially no nonsense and I’ve had to do hardly anything to it in the morning. I just run my fingers through it and it’s in place. I guess it’s just the right length now.

I suppose I’ll go back to bed for a few hours. I can get a little bit of sleep yet.

I hope you’ll all have a nice day.

Ciao,

Nora

Stalking the night…

The first thing I did when I got up tonight, was make myself a wonderful pot of freshly brewed coffee instead of drinking that old heated up in the microwave stuff. That was just about the kindest thing I could have done for myself. I’m enjoying a cup of it now and very nice it tastes too. I thought, why short change myself with bad tasting coffee when with a little more effort I can have the real thing? Sometimes I forget to treat myself with the kindness I deserve. That everybody deserves, so I hope you all treat yourselves well at every opportunity.

When I went on the bathroom scale yesterday morning, I discovered that I had lost another kilo. This leaves me 3.5 kilos short of my latest goal. I’ve already reached two goals and this is my third one. I may set a new goal after I reach this one, it depends on how easily I lose the weight. No doubt I will lose more weight quickly when I cut down on my medicines soon. This particular one is well known for weight gain, so I’m expecting to lose weight as I decrease it. That’s not the reason why I’m cutting down, but it’s a nice benefit of it.

I’m becoming my old skinny self again, someone I haven’t been in a number of years. It’s a great relief to be getting my old body back. Well, of course, it’s been ravaged by time and middle age. It’s not quite the body I used to have. I will need to have some surgery done on my stomach to get rid of excess skin. That’s where most of the weight gain was. I had an apple shape. All of me is skinny now except not quite there in that area.

I had a nice day yesterday, although I didn’t do anything special. I walked the dog a number of times and watched sports on television. I’m becoming a real sports addict and watch a number of them. I even watch field hockey, which I used to think was boring. I do enjoy the tennis at Roland Garros and can watch it for hours if they are good matches. I like to watch Federer play. He’s poetry in motion.

I didn’t get around to reading my book as the animals decided to take up a lot of my time every moment that I sat down in my armchair. There was always one climbing on my lap wanting to be petted. I suppose yesterday was animal bonding day. That’s what Sundays must be for. Every time I gave them a kind look, it was reason for them to come get attention from me.

We all did take a nap in the afternoon and I woke up very groggy and had to be resuscitated with coffee and cigarettes and then a refreshing walk with Tyke, followed by dinner and lots of cold milk for my never ending thirst. I had my pajamas and bathrobe on before I remembered to take out the trash. I watched a quiz show on television and got a lot of the answers right and felt superior. It’s probably different when you actually stand there in front of the cameras and have to give the answers.

I’m not especially looking forward to today. The personal helper and the domestic help will be here. I’m not too thrilled about it. It will be nice to have a clean apartment, but I’m not looking forward to the company. The personal helper wants to micro manage me to pieces and I have to put a halt to it. I will do that today. The domestic help wants to sit and visit too much and I will have to put an end to that also. I do want to be in charge of my own life and my own day and time.

Tomorrow will be a much better day. My time will be my own and I have no appointments, except that the Exfactor is going to be here to do the groceries. You have no idea how much I appreciate my freedom. I need lots of breathing space and room to move around in. Other people can make me feel trapped, especially if I feel they need to be entertained and amused and kept busy.

I’ve got to go back to bed now and get a couple of hours more sleep before the personal helper gets here. I do want to be coherent before she shows up, so I have to set my alarm clock.

I hope you’ll all have a nice day.

Ciao,

Nora

>Over the hills and through the woods…

>

That’s not really where I’m going. I just felt like saying that. It’s in the middle of the night and I’m sure I’m not going through the woods now. That would be a bit scary even if I had a strong flashlight. My imagination would get a hold of me and I would think of The Blair Witch. Remember that movie? That was pretty gruesome. 
No, I’m staying right where I am, safely inside by the light of the desk lamp with my cup of coffee. I do know where life is good. That’s right here with my dog and cat. 
I’ve already slept and woke up writing a blog post in my head, but I’ve forgotten what it was about. I was formulating a sentence in my head as I became conscious. I had to immediately let the dog out back when I got up and go to the toilet myself, so by the time I turned on the computer, everything I had dreamed was forgotten. 
I just made myself a small pot of fresh coffee and am drinking the first cup now. For a change, I didn’t make it so awfully strong. That was a deliberate choice on my part as I often make the coffee too strong and get too wired. I only want to drink two cups and then switch to cold milk and go back to bed and sleep some more. 
I have to see my psychiatrist at 10 o’clock in the morning, so I do have to get up on time. I’ll even have to set the alarm clock.
My SPN told me yesterday that she is pregnant, so we had a happy talk about pregnancy and what I remembered about it. I’m thrilled for her and can’t wait to see her belly grow. I had already noticed that the last few times she was wearing the same roomy tops, but had not put two and two together. 
She’s going on maternity leave in October and that will be the end of our therapy together. I told her it’s all for a good cause. What can be a nicer reason than having a baby? I certainly can’t think of one. 
The Exfactor did manage to do the groceries after all yesterday, so I didn’t have to do without milk for too long a time. I drank glasses of water when I did. They made me feel a little sick to my stomach and I was happy when I could drink milk again. Plain water doesn’t seem to agree with me very well.
I picked up the Metamucil from the pharmacy and mixed a spoonful of that in a tall glass of water and I will hopefully notice the result soon. I’m planning on using it every day and will hopefully get the rewards of it every day. It will certainly be a relief if it works. 
It’s going to be a bright and sunny day and feel warmer than it actually is. That means I can wear the same clothes I wore yesterday and I’m glad because it was a good outfit and I felt comfortable in it. I wore my favorite dress.
As I lose weight, the clothes that I wear fit me better all the time, but some things get too big and sometimes that’s a shame because I’m attached to them.  I try to shrink them in the laundry, but I only have partial success with that. Some things just need to be put on the obsolete pile. There’s no help for it. 
I hope you’re all having a good night and those of you who are still up, I hope you are having a good evening. 
Ciao,
Nora

>Soothingly familiar…

>

I’m enjoying my time in the middle of the night with a fresh cup of coffee and a cigarette and the company of the dog who is lying by my feet. At least he has quieted down now and is no longer running to the back door to bark at imaginary danger. 
The coffee tastes mighty nice and puts me in a good frame of mind. It makes all the little gears in my head spin correctly and that’s important in the middle of the night when I want to make sense. I’ve already slept several hours and am now ready for some time up and about until I get tired again. 
I’m actually very thirsty and the coffee really doesn’t take care of that so much, but the milk is almost all gone and I can’t have tall glasses of it . I think I have some lemonade left and will drink a glass of that to quench my thirst before I have more coffee. Running out of milk is a real catastrophe. It should not be allowed.
Because the Exfactor is not going to be able to do the groceries today, I will have to go to the little Arab shop around the corner and buy some milk there. I pass it all the time but have not been inside yet. It is convenient to have it so close by and it will be a whole different cultural experience. 
The sugar content of the lemonade is going straight to my head and is making me cheerful. I think I will have two glasses of it. I do like to mess with the chemicals in my brain, albeit it with very harmless substances. I don’t think anyone has ever been caught driving under the influence of sugar or caffeine. I think I may have needed a little pick me up. 
This afternoon I have an appointment with my SPN  and on my way home I will go by the pharmacy to pick up the Metamucil. I had to order it especially in the size packaging and flavor I wanted. I can’t wait to start using it to see what difference it will make. I expect it to do wonders. Like I said, I used to use it in California and it will get rid of my bloated belly and then some. 
During this meeting with my SPN I will hear how much longer she will be my therapist. She was going to try and be it for 6 months longer, but had to get permission for that. I’m curious what the outcome will be. If it means that I have to become more independent, then so be it. I am more than ready for it and not afraid to be. 
We do grow up and have to learn to find out own way.

I thought maybe it was a fluke when I went on the bathroom scale yesterday and had lost a kilo, but I went on it again a while ago and it was true. I want to lose 4.5 kilos and then I’ll probably be happy. I think that will be the most weight I can expect to lose. That’s more than the Obesitas Specialist said I could expect to lose. I’m already past his goal. 
Well, I think I’ll get ready to go back to bed. I’ve got a lot of sleeping left to do and a lot of time to do it in. 
I hope you’re all having a good night. 
Ciao,
Nora

>The pesky dog…

>

The pesky dog won’t let me sleep. He woke me up by insistently barking at me and if I ignored him, he jumped on the bed and slobbered on my face. It was very obvious that he wanted me to get up. He kept repeating this, because I kept ignoring him, until there was no other recourse but to get up. He had to go out back to do a piddle.
And now, of course, I am up with a cup of coffee, which is really a cafe au lait because it has more milk than coffee in it. Soit, it will suffice. It actually tastes pretty good, but I’m going to have to make some real coffee to get my head straight. I should just go straight back to bed, but I’m too stubborn to do that. I do like sitting here in this half asleep state and try to make sense. It’s a challenge.
I don’t know why I take on these challenges when It’s so obvious that I’m not up to them, unless this real cup of coffee that I’m having now is going to work quickly and set my head straight. It may happen yet. I’m chugging it down and getting ready to have the next one in my eagerness to make sense. Anything to stop me from yawning anyway…
…I just fell asleep for an hour in my desk chair and  I just woke up again. I feel a lot better now. That little nap was just what I needed. I feel completely refreshed. I just got a little bit chilled and I’ll have to put on my bathrobe. 
There, I also got a new cup of coffee because the old one had gotten cold. At least I remained upright in my chair and my head didn’t hit the keyboard. I was leaning against the backrest of the chair and my chin was resting on my chest. I did pick the most comfortable position to sleep in, although I don’t even remember drifting off. 
*
One of my blogging buddies  said that she applied lotion to her feet every night before she went to sleep and that this gave her very soft feet. I have been thinking about doing the same thing because I have a lot of problems with callouses that are hard to get rid of and I thought maybe the lotion might help that. If I’m good about it and apply it every night, I may get silky soft feet. It would be a good habit to get into.
I also seem to have developed eczema on the fingers of my right hand and am going to have to start applying ointment there. The skin got cracked there and is a little painful. Now I have to remember to apply the ointment in several places and I’m already bad about doing it. It’s one of my least favorite jobs. I guess I’d rather scratch than apply ointment. Sometimes I don’t take good care of myself. 
I’m equally bad about applying lotion to my arms and legs to prevent dry skin and rough elbows and knees. I do have some very nice smelling stuff that I can apply. I think I’m going to have to develop some new habits and take care of them before I go to sleep at night. They will just have to become new rituals. It’s time to turn a new leaf. 
*
I’ve completely run out of perfumes and have thrown out all the empty bottles. I used them up quickly and I think I maybe applied them to liberally. I can’t help myself, I do like to smell nice. I’m going to have to replenish my supply by going to the discount store and picking out some new ones. I’ll have to walk over there one of these days. Right now I’m making do with a very nice smelling deodorant, but there’s nothing like a good perfume. I do like it when my clothes smell of it. 
*
I have to take the bottle of Febreze and spray all the clothes that are on hangers in my closet, even the ones that have recently been washed. It will give them that nice fresh smell that’s so nice when I put them on. A lot of my clothes smell like smoke and I can’t keep washing them every time I’ve worn them just once. Some of the clothes are too delicate for that. That’s a job I can do this week. 
It has been nice to discover that some size 16 clothes are way too big on me now and that those can go in the piles of obsolete items. It’s a bit of a shame not to be able to wear those clothes anymore, but there are others instead that I can wear and that makes up for it. 
*
I suppose that I will go to bed now as it is late. I will start with my new rituals tonight. I’ll get all the lotions out and put them on the bookcase by the bed. Then I’ll have no excuse to forget them. I’ll turn into a proper woman yet. 
Have a good night and a splendid morning when you wake up. 
Ciao,
Nora