The Dueling Dutch Woman

The Adventures of a Middle Aged Dutch Woman

Archive for cobwebs

Spending time quietly…

Of course, the darn dog woke me up again and I had to get him quiet as quick as possible. We kept it to one outburst and that was more than enough. It does immediately wake me up out of a sound sleep. I’m as alert as can be and practically jump out of bed. All my senses are at the ready and I can’t go back to sleep once I’ve settled him down. I think my presence reassures him and that’s what makes him relaxed enough to mellow out again. He’s now chewing on his rawhide bone and being totally unaware of everything. That’s how I like that.

I’ve made myself some coffee to clear the cobwebs from my mind. I do want to be able to think clearly when I write a post.

Much to my surprise, I’m now able to get my denim skirt off without undoing the buttons or the zipper. I did it quite by accident the other night like I used to with my other skirts when they got too big on me. I can get it back on the same way. It does save me some work. I had washed it and thought that maybe it was going to be a little tight on me, but I needn’t have worried.

This has prompted me to order some skinny jeans in a smaller size. I can wear them with all sorts of clothes and make many combinations. At least, that’s what I envision in my mind. I do look forward to getting them on Thursday and trying these things out.

I still haven’t been on the bathroom scale first thing in the morning in my underwear. I keep forgetting to get on it before I have eaten anything, but I’ll let how my clothes fit be the indicator. I’m still curious about the weight I’ve lost and I’ll try to remember to weigh myself this morning first thing when I get up again.

I don’t want to seem obsessed with my weight and my clothes, but when you have lost as much weight as I have, it is a big deal. Especially when you come within reach of your goal. I have lost more than 100 lbs. That’s as much as a skinny person. I wouldn’t be able to lift 100 lbs. Just think that I had been carrying all that weight with me. No wonder I had lower back problems.

Today is going to be a splendidly empty day. It will only be filled with laundry and walking the dog and getting the mail out of the mailbox. Isn’t that just great? And I don’t expect any important mail either. I took care of that yesterday and took care of my paperwork too. A lot of that could go into the recycle box.

Tonight starts a month full of British detective series every night. I can’t wait and I’m so thrilled about it. They must have known that I was starved for thrillers. We will have Silent Witness, Frost, Case Sensitive, Lewis and some other newer series. Oh yes, the Swedish Wallander too. My cup runneth over. You know what I will be doing every evening. I will not be bored. Thank goodness for small favors.

I’m getting tired and have to go back to bed. The early birds are singing.

Have a good day, all of you.







>Forget me quicklies…


I have yet to pick out a book from the bookcase that will grab my attention long enough for me to start reading it and finish it. I’m thinking about choosing the thriller by Mankell because his books usually fascinated me the most in the past. I’m a little bit worried that I’ll start reading it and lose interest somewhere one third through it as I have with every book that I’ve tried to read lately.
I must make a decision, though, and choose one because now I’m not reading at all and I see it as an intellectual waste of time. My mind is not being challenged and that is not good. I waste it watching dumb programs on television instead and that is mind numbing. There’s no excuse for it, except that I am mentally lazy. It will lead to early dementia at this rate. 
Just to make sure I don’t change my mind, I’ve already put the book on my sidebar. Now I’ll be forced to read it. That will be something I’ll do later this night then, while I wait to get sleepy again. It will be one way to keep me out of trouble. I will sit in my armchair and read until the birds start to chirp before dawn. Then I will be off to bed to get my beauty sleep. Hopefully, I will have dealt with one gruesome murder by that time. 
My hair is squeaky clean and it’s got a dent in it from me laying on it. I’ll have to wash it again to get rid of the dent or look lopsided.  It’s possible that if I’m up long enough, it will settle back down again. I keep pushing the hair in place. Maybe that will work. Where there’s a dent, there’s a bump and the one thing will have to be replaced by the other. It’s the drawback of having squeaky clean and very fine hair. 
I’m sitting here in my pajamas, at least, what functions as my pajamas. I’ve got on an oversized T-shirt that is from when I was a lot heavier. Two of me could just about fit in it now. It slides off my shoulders continually making it look like I’m trying to be sexy. Yes really, all on my own. These T-shirts are very comfortable to sleep in, but they are huge. I can’t believe I used to be that big. I pretend that was a completely different person in a completely different era and that it has nothing to do with me now. 
I did just now have to put on my bathrobe because I got a bit chilly. It still cools off during the night even though the daytimes are nice and warm. I do have the bedroom windows open. This all in effort to air out the place. My bathrobe is equally big on me and very comfortable. I fit in it time and a half. I washed it often enough, but it didn’t really shrink. 
I had my two obligatory cups of coffee and didn’t even finish the second one. Apparently I was not really in need of it. I feel surprisingly awake without it and don’t have any cobwebs in my mind. I’ve switched to a glass of cold milk and very nice it tastes too. I’m thinking very clearly without being overly optimistic and I think I have both feet firmly planted on the ground. This is not a night for hypo-mania. I’m as cool as a cucumber and I don’t mean the temperature. 
I suppose I will now start reading my book. I’m not nearly ready to go back to bed. I’m not sleepy yet and can stay up for a while longer. I hope you’re all enjoying your night. Sunday is coming up and it will be a day of rest and we must enjoy that. I’m sure some of you will be occupied with all sorts of chores, though. 

>That gosh darned dog!


The darn dog woke me up from a sound sleep. He decided he needed to go out back for a piddle or two. When he came in again, he decided that he was hungry, so I had to feed him something until he was satisfied and went to sleep. By that time I was wide awake and not ready to go back to bed, as I never am under these circumstances. 

I made myself a cup of heated up coffee and made the best of it. I’m going to have to make some real coffee next, though, because this stuff is undrinkable and I’m worthy of better. It will do to get the first cobwebs out, but it’s no good for my enjoyment. And my enjoyment comes first after Tyke has been settled down. 
I was sleeping very nicely under the good smelling sheets. They had still not lost their good scent from having been dried outside. I was having a dream that I remembered fleetingly when I woke up, but that totally has escaped me now.
I’ve been having very interesting dreams lately and my body mimics the actions I perform in my dreams. I wake up that way. If I dream I hold a paintbrush, I wake up with my fingers positioned that way.
I dream that I travel all over the world, to the very edge of it, at the danger of falling off. I go to Tierra del Fuego and it’s barren there and unwelcome. All the natives have been decimated. Hardly anyone lives there.
I go to places that don’t exist, that are on the edge of an imaginary map, like Columbus did. They’re dangerous and hostile places with only a single airfield and not much else.  The ground is about to break up and we are going to fall through it.  You have to walk lightly there. 
It’s probably a reflection of the insecurity I feel every day about being in this place. I never quite feel safe and at home. There’s always this undercurrent of hostility I feel. I’m a stranger in a strange land.
I’ve made myself a fresh pot of coffee and very nice it tastes too. You wouldn’t believe the difference between it and the old heated up coffee. Or maybe you would. It’s so nice to treat yourself decently, especially in the middle of the night when it really counts. When you are having your best hours. 
I still like being enveloped by the darkness that is the night and many times I don’t wish for it to end. But that is mainly because I don’t want the day to start with all of its obligations. The inevitability of having to see people and having to perform chores can seem oppressive. Actually, when I do these things during the day, they never turn out to be as bad as I imagined them to be, but there’s always a level of discomfort and a relief when they’re all done and gone. 
I have a growing dissatisfaction with my personal helper. I think she is too negative and not such a good influence on me and I feel very often that I determine the fate and outcome of our meetings instead of her. I don’t quite feel that I can rely on her to make the best decisions. I feel very much that I have to take the lead into my own hands and know best myself. She’s not much of a help anymore. As a matter of fact, she can be a hinder. 
Not everybody in the world has equal amounts of common sense, not even when they have the diplomas to go with it. You do have to take care who you put your trust in. I have to be my own sage. My own wise woman. Foolish people abound. Not everybody who tries to do you a service actually does. 
I will go back to bed eventually and determine in the morning what I’m going to wear. It’s not going to be a very warm day. It’s only going to be 58F and rainy. I think I’ve got just the outfit that’s good for that kind of weather. I must be comfortable at all costs. I’ve got just the pair of pants for that. 
Have a nice morning or a nice evening, which ever timezone you’re in. 

>Sipping hot coffee…


I greet this day as if it’s supposed to be some sort of important day, but really, I have no idea why it should be. Am I forgetting something important? Is it a holiday somewhere in the world? Somebody enlighten me, please. I feel in a celebratory mood and there must be a reason for it. 
If not celebratory, then at least as if it is cause for a solemn occasion that requires a ceremony. Something like that. Like there ought to be church bells ringing and incense burnt and candles lighted. Maybe the news today will enlighten me. May the 14th, people. What can it be?
In the meantime, I’m sipping hot coffee in the middle of the night as is my usual ritual. The coffee packs a punch. I made it very strong on purpose. I wanted a good kick in the rear end to really wake me up. To really get the cobwebs out. 
I got what I asked for and the coffee blasted them out. I’ve got mouth puckering cups of it. Nice and strong and bitter. They taste like espressos. I haven’t created such a nice artificial high in quite a while. 
I’m also celebrating the fact that Blogger is on the air again. It was hard to do without for 24 hours. I didn’t quite go through withdrawal symptoms, but I came close. I was ready to go straight back to bed if there was no connection. I didn’t even make coffee until I was sure that there was. That must explain why I made the coffee so strong. It is celebratory coffee. 
The Exfactor was here yesterday and told me he is going to be moving house next week. He will be moving into town again so he will be a lot closer than he is now, which will be more convenient for him and for me.  He does all of his major errands in town and he is here several times a week. That takes up a lot of his time and fuel for his motorcycle. 
Needless to say, he’s going to be very busy next week and I have to find out another way to get my groceries. I may have to call in my sister’s help or do them on my own. I don’t know how brave I’ll be yet. If I do them on my own, I won’t be able to get them all at once like the Exfactor does. I’m not strong enough to haul that many groceries around on the bike. 
First I’ve got to enjoy the fact that today is Saturday and a day off. I’m going back to bed in a while to finish sleeping and I hope to sleep late. I will have to miss whatever cultural programs are going to be on television. I only have visions of going back to bed now and I’m yawning. It will be nice to make it a leisurely morning as far as the dog is going to co-operate with that. He may have different plans.

I have to find some completely different clothes to wear in the morning as today it’s not going to be very warm. It’s only going to be 60F and we’re going to have spotty showers. That means warmer clothes with long sleeves and not the skimpy things I’ve been wearing.
I’ve taken two thirds of the clothes out of my closet as being to big to wear. It’s been decimated. I’ll slowly have to build up a wardrobe again. 
Right, I’m off to bed. I hope you’re all having a good night and that you’ll have a good morning. 

>Another one for the road…


You can’t artificially create a highly charged mood, so I will have to do with this medium charged mood instead. I’m not plucking the last stars out of the heavenly skies and seeing as though it’s nearly dawn now, I won’t be anymore either, no matter how many cups of coffee I drink. The morning will start off quietly and not with a bang and I will not go roaring into it. That’s probably for the best, as it results in less accidents. 
After having had the joy of watching the royal wedding yesterday, I get the fun of watching Queen’s Day being celebrated on television today. This is when our Queen Beatrix honors the birthday of our old Queen Juliana. It’s a regular people’s party all over the country and all stops are pulled out. We all celebrate. It’s when the flags and the orange bunting are pulled out and flown all over and we go orange mad in honor of the House of  Orange. It’s our national color. Queen’s Day is our first national celebration in the springtime. The next will be Liberation Day on May the 5th. 
Since today is Saturday, it is a day off already besides being a national holiday. It will be very busy downtown and that area is best avoided. The cafe terraces will be filled with people because the weather will be good.  There will be the usual tourists and, because it’s also spring break, there will be large amounts. It would be a perfect day to get lost in the crowd, if you liked a crowd.
I have to remember to be happy today and to not sit here like a rock in a meadow, all stony and silent and morose. There’s no reason for me not to see the sunny side of life. I have to look at the reality of the day and see the lightness in it and it is going to be a very light day indeed. Maybe that has not quite dawned on me yet. The day will be filled with simple things and there’s nothing to worry about, except what to wear and at what time to walk the dog. That’s as easy as it gets. 
I slept a good six hours last night and that’s a long time for me. I was pleasantly surprised when I looked at the alarm clock this morning. Still, I’m yawning right now, so I’m not fully awake yet. I must go and get dressed and take the dog out in the cool morning air and get woken up properly. There’s a bit of wind that ought to blow the cobwebs from my mind. 
At this point the dog seems to have the same idea and has come up to me with big begging eyes. I think he’s ready to go out. It’s completely light outside now and the sun is shining.
I hope you’ll all have a good day.

>Quickly done…


I’ve made myself a cup of coffee to get the cobwebs out of my mind from the nap I just took. Hopefully it will perk me up soon or I will have to keep yawning. Naps are supposed to revitalize me, but very often I’m a bit of a wreck afterwards. There must be something appealing about them, though, otherwise I wouldn’t keep taking them. Every so often I must be tired enough to need them.
I always feel like eating something when I wake up from my naps and I go look in the kitchen for something good. This time I had a package of crackers and I shared them with the dog because I couldn’t finish them. The dog usually gets the last bit of any food I eat because I can’t finish it. It’s become a tradition. He sits by my side while I eat and waits for the leftovers.
Speaking of food, I remembered to go on the bathroom scale first thing this morning and I had lost a whole kilo. This despite the fact that I’ve been eating very well. It must be because I’m eating healthy and in small portions that I’m losing weight. I was not expecting it with the amount of medication I’m still taking. It’s hard to lose weight with those medicines. 
I’m going to try and lose another 3 kilos. That’s my next goal. Of course, I should ignore my weight now and not go on the scale anymore. That would be the best tactic. I hope I just forget to weigh myself first thing in the morning because anything after that isn’t going to count.
The cup of coffee has worked its magic and the cobwebs are gone. I’ve also stopped yawning. It’s almost time for the 6 o’clock new so I have to hurry up and finish this. It’s turning into a little bitty post. 
I hope you’re all having a good day.

>We all fall down…


It’s early on a Sunday morning and I’m having my second cup of very delicious coffee. For some reason it turned out really well today, so I must have had the magic touch when I put the ground coffee into the filter. Maybe slightly carelessly scooping is the best way to do it, instead of carefully measuring each spoonful. I was in a hurry when I made the coffee, because I was impatient for a cup and I couldn’t make it quick enough. 
Luckily, the coffeemaker gets done quickly and I had my nice hot cup of coffee in no time at all. It just seems to take a while when you’re waiting, but that’s when you have to find a way to amuse yourself instead. I did that by answering emails. That’s usually the first thing I do in the morning, though I’m barely capable of it at first because of the cobwebs. I do manage to fake it until I make it, I think, because I go about it very slowly, unless the answers are very simple. 
I went to bed very early last night. I realized that I was grumpy because I was tired and in need of sleep. I had no patience left for anything or anybody. I made myself a glass of black berry milk and took that to bed with me and listened to the radio. I made sure that Tyke and I had some quality bonding time, which he was in need of, and in the shortest amount of time I was asleep. Gandhi was sleeping beside my pillows.
I suppose that yesterday was a perfectly uneventful day. I paid bills and got my paperwork in order and found out how poor I was. That’s always good to know for the rest of the pay period. Then you know how much you have left to spend on groceries. God forbid that you should eat too much. 
I had planned to take a nap in the afternoon, but I never did get around to that. I suppose I wasn’t sleepy enough and wanted to save whatever there was for the nighttime. I walked Tyke when he needed to get walked and sat behind the computer. I did some chores, but there weren’t that many to do that were urgent and I will finish today what I didn’t do yesterday. I have to put clean sheets on my bed and I do want to do that today to make going to bed tonight as pleasant as possible. 
Since today is Sunday, it’s going to be another quiet day. There will be speed skating and other sports on television and I will watch them most likely. I also have to make sure I watch the news this morning. There were manifestations all over the country yesterday against the cultural budget cuts that the new government is planning against the will of many. I think the attempts to call a halt to it, though, are useless, because this government is ruthless.
It’s going to be a cold day today. I just let Tyke out back and there was a cold wind blowing from the east. I was shivering in my bathrobe. Even Tyke thought it was cold and came back in in a hurry. It’s only going to be 44F, but because of the wind, it’s going to feel colder. It will be no fun to take Tyke out for walks today. I’m not looking forward to that. I do so dislike being in the cold wind. I will have to wear my North Pole coat. My leather jacket is not going to be warm enough. 
I’ve had enough coffee for this morning and have switched to milk with blackberry syrup. It’s very delicious and filling too. It takes care of my sweet tooth at the same time. It does give me that little sugar high and it makes the milk more interesting to drink. It makes it last twice as long, because I don’t gobble it down all at once. I take delicate sips, if you can imagine that. It’s an excellent discovery and for that kind of milk you pay a relative fortune in the supermarket. 
I’ve got to take my medicines. It’s that time of the morning again. I’ve had to play ball with Tyke while I wrote this. That involves a lot of wrestling to get it away from him. 
Have a good Sunday!