The Dueling Dutch Woman

The Adventures of a Middle Aged Dutch Woman

Archive for buddhism

Early bedtime?

Apparently I’m not supposed to go to bed on time at night. It is completely futile that I do because I do nothing but lay there and waste my time trying to fall asleep. It would be wonderful if I dozed off, but I don’t even do such a thing. I’m just wide awake and completely aware of my surroundings. I have silent communications with the dog and the cat who can’t go to sleep either as long as I don’t.  We all toss and turn and switch positions to get the most comfortable we can be, but it is all to no avail until I finally announce that I’m getting up and that sets the troops in action. We all move to the living room where everybody finds their spot.

One of the problems was, that for some reason there was no British thriller on tonight. There’s going to be tomorrow night and the night after that, but none this evening. This p*ssed me off a little bit because I had gotten so used to there always being one. There was other ‘amusement’ on the TV, but it was nothing that I was happy with. As a result, I went to bed early thinking that I would be happy listening to the radio, but it wasn’t so. The subjects that were discussed didn’t interest me all that much and I was just out of sorts. Sleep seemed like a good solution, but it didn’t come, despite my sleeping pills.

I cut my hair today because I decided that it was too long and didn’t make me look good. That’s because I was wearing my glasses and I thought I looked like a very average run of the mill woman without any pizazz. I wanted to do something about that quickly so I grabbed the scissors and started cutting. I did do it very carefully and it turned out alright. At least I have more bounce to my hair now and it is a little perkier. I will have to go to the hairdresser to have it properly evened out in the back, but I can take my time doing that. I’ll see if I can go next week some time.

I was supposed to have a domestic help today, but she never showed up. I will have to call on Monday to find out what happened to her. I still haven’t got my regular Friday domestic help back and I don’t know what’s wrong with her. I haven’t seen her in ages, but I sure do miss her. She does such a nice thorough job of cleaning the place. I hope she’s back on the job soon.

It rained off and on all day and one time the dog and I got rained on when we were out for a walk. It wasn’t too much rain and we didn’t get too wet. We weren’t too far away from home because I had anticipated that it was going to rain. Next week, for a few days, the temperatures are going to be almost tropical and then we’ll have rain again. This crazy Dutch weather!

I’m sitting here dressed very warmly in my gray cardigan. I have the windows closed and the heater turned on because both the dog and I were cold. I will reverse all of that before I go back to bed. I like sleeping better in a cool bedroom. I just didn’t like sitting up feeling cold. I was desirous of warmth and so was the dog because he was shivering. He would after he had all of his curls cut off. He’s almost naked now.

He was sitting in front of the window for a long time this afternoon and I thought maybe he was contemplating his navel because there was nothing to see outside. Maybe he has a rich, secret inner life that requires a lot of pondering, although he’s really not the type for it because he’s way too optimistic and good natured. Maybe he has secret, happy thoughts. I can imagine that.

Sometimes the cat sits beside him and helps him look out the window. They both must be having the same fantasies while they stare into the distance at nothing at all. Not that much happens out in the street. Maybe it’s a form of meditation and it calms them down. Maybe I have animals that are into Buddhism the same as I am.

I think I will go to bed now. I do feel sleepy and I think it’s time. I hope I don’t feel the need to get up again tonight. It would be awfully misguided.




>Pleasantly scented…


I just spritzed on some of my new perfume in order to be pleasantly scented. I figured there’s nothing wrong with smelling nice in the middle of the night while I’m sitting here all by myself. I do it just for my own pleasure and nobody else’s. I don’t think Tyke and Gandhi care one way or the other. They are sound asleep and oblivious of how I smell. I’m very much aware of it and it puts me in the proper mood to write. It’s made me more alert. 
I should have pleasantly scented candles burning all over the apartment to make the place smell good or constantly walk around with a can of Brise and spray that around. I should make a point to do that regularly and air out the place a lot too. Now that the temperatures are getting milder there’s no excuse not to do that. I do open the bedroom window every day, but I should open several windows and get a draft going. That would be mighty chilling. 
My short hair is really short and I’m still surprised every time I look in the mirror. I try to put on my most friendly face when I look at myself and be as feminine as I can be. I am wearing pretty earrings so I don’t look too butch. It’s better if I view myself in the full length mirror and get a completer picture than when I just see my head. I’m super critical of only my head, but I figure people don’t just see it when they see me. They see all of me. 
I’ve got a good outfit right now that’s flattering and that makes me look skinny. I’m already thinking of the subsequent outfits that I can wear that will be equally good. This one spans the crown and I’m being very careful with it and try not to spill anything on it so it will last a while. The clothes smell of my perfume and when I put them on in the morning it is very pleasant. I’m still wearing my clothes in layers, but soon that won’t be necessary anymore. I’m managing to stay warm, though, and I only need to wear my black leather jacket when I go out. 
Besides getting skinnier, my feet have shrunk too and I’m now a size smaller than I used to be, so I have to take that into account when I order new shoes or boots. I’m wearing thicker socks with my boots, but I’m running out of them. I don’t have enough and am going to have to buy some more. Hopefully they’ll have them at the supermarket and the Exfactor can pick some up for me the next time he is there. It’s amazing what they sell at the supermarket, but it is very convenient. 
Yesterday went by quickly for a Saturday. I didn’t do anything important, but the hours flew by. I do mostly manage to amuse myself and don’t get bored with my own company. There’s always Tyke to have a good time with and to take for a  walk. It was raining for the latter half of the day and it was very cozy inside. I had the lights turned on and watched television and took a nap. I forgot to hang up the laundry to dry and will have to do that today. It was a day on which one would bake cookies if there were people to eat them. Or to bake a cake. I’m not foolish enough to do that, because I would have to eat it all by myself and there’s no way I could handle that.
It’s been a successful day if I’ve managed to achieve serenity and a sense of peacefulness with myself. I do run into obstacles and it’s a challenge to resolve those. I apply whatever magic formulas are necessary. I really should delve into the study of mindful living more, which is the westernized version of Buddhism. So far I do my own made up version of it and customize it to my needs, but I’m sure there’s a lot I could learn. It might be useful to read some literature on it, although you do have to be careful with that as I’m sure there’s a lot of nonsense out there. Probably everybody is an expert. I could be an expert. 
I’m going back to bed for my precious early morning hours of sleep. It’s too early to start the day. The sun’s not even up yet. It’s Sunday and the world will wake up slowly. 
Have a good day.