The Dueling Dutch Woman

The Adventures of a Middle Aged Dutch Woman

Archive for bird song

In the early dawn…

The first birds have just started to sing and their timing is excellent because I’ve gotten up just a while ago and am ready for the day to start. The sun won’t rise for another hour, though, and in the meantime I will sit here with my coffee and cigarettes and write this post. I feel wide awake, but that may be a temporary condition and I may be struck by sleep yet and have to go back to bed later. It all depends on how much I like being up already so early in the morning. It may not turn out to be the great thing that I think it is now.

The Exfactor is going to be here at 10 am to pick up the dog to take him to the dog trim salon to have his fur trimmed. Hopefully it will not be raining then as we are expecting a few showers today. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it will stay dry this morning, at least until the dog is safely dropped of. It would be hard to trim him if he’s wet.

The Exfactor is doing me an enormous favor by taking the dog there, as it is impossible for me to make the trip there and back twice. I get an enormous lower backache if I try. It’s just too much of an effort for me. The Exfactor does it so much more easily as he does seem to do everything more easily when it comes to physical effort. He’s a wiry and strong man and does things with half as much effort as I do.

As I had planned, I watched the first British thriller last night. I was perfectly set for it and had put on my pajamas and bathrobe so that I would be able to go straight to bed afterwards. I watched the first episode of the series ‘Case Sensitive’ and I must say that it was very good. I didn’t know who had done it until the whole thing began to become unraveled. It had many satisfying surprises in it. I must become used to the investigating duo, but their relationship will evolve as the series evolves. It’s all a matter of chemistry, I’m sure.

Today I’m expecting my new skinny jeans and I’m looking forward to getting them. I took a chance by ordering them a size smaller and I may have to push and shove my way into them and they still may not fit. I won’t know until I actually try them on. I will be keeping them if they are too tight because I know they eventually will fit. It would only be a matter of time until they did. But I’m running way ahead of myself and just have to wait and see. I’m just preparing myself for all the eventualities.

I have to do the dishes and a load of laundry and put away the dry clothes. I also have to order a new supply of medicines. For me this is an eventful day and I look forward to it with some amount of anticipation. Anything out of the ordinary tends to set me wobbling. I must make sure that I stay very grounded. I don’t like for many things to be different. I like plain ordinariness the best.

I’m going to take my medicines and go back to bed for a little while. I can sleep for a few more hours. I’ll have to set the alarm clock so I’ll be up on time.

Have a nice day.

Ciao,

Nora

 

Advertisements

Spending time quietly…

Of course, the darn dog woke me up again and I had to get him quiet as quick as possible. We kept it to one outburst and that was more than enough. It does immediately wake me up out of a sound sleep. I’m as alert as can be and practically jump out of bed. All my senses are at the ready and I can’t go back to sleep once I’ve settled him down. I think my presence reassures him and that’s what makes him relaxed enough to mellow out again. He’s now chewing on his rawhide bone and being totally unaware of everything. That’s how I like that.

I’ve made myself some coffee to clear the cobwebs from my mind. I do want to be able to think clearly when I write a post.

Much to my surprise, I’m now able to get my denim skirt off without undoing the buttons or the zipper. I did it quite by accident the other night like I used to with my other skirts when they got too big on me. I can get it back on the same way. It does save me some work. I had washed it and thought that maybe it was going to be a little tight on me, but I needn’t have worried.

This has prompted me to order some skinny jeans in a smaller size. I can wear them with all sorts of clothes and make many combinations. At least, that’s what I envision in my mind. I do look forward to getting them on Thursday and trying these things out.

I still haven’t been on the bathroom scale first thing in the morning in my underwear. I keep forgetting to get on it before I have eaten anything, but I’ll let how my clothes fit be the indicator. I’m still curious about the weight I’ve lost and I’ll try to remember to weigh myself this morning first thing when I get up again.

I don’t want to seem obsessed with my weight and my clothes, but when you have lost as much weight as I have, it is a big deal. Especially when you come within reach of your goal. I have lost more than 100 lbs. That’s as much as a skinny person. I wouldn’t be able to lift 100 lbs. Just think that I had been carrying all that weight with me. No wonder I had lower back problems.

Today is going to be a splendidly empty day. It will only be filled with laundry and walking the dog and getting the mail out of the mailbox. Isn’t that just great? And I don’t expect any important mail either. I took care of that yesterday and took care of my paperwork too. A lot of that could go into the recycle box.

Tonight starts a month full of British detective series every night. I can’t wait and I’m so thrilled about it. They must have known that I was starved for thrillers. We will have Silent Witness, Frost, Case Sensitive, Lewis and some other newer series. Oh yes, the Swedish Wallander too. My cup runneth over. You know what I will be doing every evening. I will not be bored. Thank goodness for small favors.

I’m getting tired and have to go back to bed. The early birds are singing.

Have a good day, all of you.

Ciao,

Nora

 

 

 

Joviality…

Last night I started rereading ‘The Secret Scripture’ and I’m already halfway through it. Although I know the plot and the ending, I find that reading it the second time allows me to enjoy the beautiful language it is written in and to really let me enjoy all the wonderful details. It reads like very well written poetry and there’s a definite voice in it when the main character speaks. It’s like I’m listening to someone tell a well crafted story. So I’m not at all bored reading it another time, as a matter of fact, I enjoy it more and the story is penetrating better because I do know the outcome and I’m picking up more nuances now.

Rereading this novel is all in an effort to get me excited about reading again. I have not been able to finish any new book I’ve started and thought I had lost my love for reading. Luckily, I’m being proved wrong now and I may for a while reread other novels I’ve enjoyed a lot. They’re all on the bookcase or easily ordered, so that’s no problem. And because I can read them relatively quickly, I feel that I’m actually accomplishing something and have a lot to look forward to.

I even read in bed at the danger of falling asleep with the book in my hands and my reading glasses on my nose. The dog would have demolished both during the night if I had. Luckily, I remembered to put them away before I fell asleep. It was a good way to spend the early hour or two in bed. I don’t really know how long it took me to get sleepy. I was so wrapped up in reading and so comfortable that I lost track of time. I didn’t look at the alarm clock when I shut off the reading light. I very happily went straight to sleep.

I did wake up in a sweat again and had to stand outside by the back door while the dog did his thing out on the patio. It was lovely to be out in the cold night air and cool off. I stood there until I was properly chilled. Now I need my bathrobe because I’m getting a bit cold. That’s a luxurious problem too. I have the choice between being a bit cold and comfortably warm. I do appreciate my privileges.

In the meantime, it has become dawn and the birds are singing their early morning songs. They sound very cheerful and I hope they are not caught unawares by an eager cat. My own cat is sound asleep on the sofa, so at least I know they’re safe from her. It’s time for me to take my medicines and to go back to bed. I will read before I fall asleep again.

I hope you all have a nice Sunday.

Ciao,

Nora

 

 

 

In spite of myself…

I very cheerfully keep turning out one post after another despite the fact that I get very few comments. I’ve decided that this is not for the lack of readers, but that it just means that my readers don’t comment. They must be so awestruck by what I’ve written that they don’t know what to say. Isn’t that a satisfactory explanation? It means that I can keep writing and assume that enough of you are reading me to make it worthwhile.

If nothing else, I have something to do on those boring moments when I can reread my own old posts and see how I was doing. That’s always a pleasant occupation because I learn a lot from it and see behavior of myself that’s clearly not always rational and is usually linked to something else that is happening in my life, no matter how subtle it is. I see all the little potholes and bumps in the road and the mental hiccups I have as a result of them. It certainly is educational and always gives me courage to keep writing, even for the lack of comments.

I’m sitting here in the middle of the night, although you could say that it is almost early in the morning. I depends on how optimistic you are. I tend to be optimistic and see this as the beginning of the morning because the early birds will start singing in about another hour, before it even is dawn. Sunrise will be at 5:24 AM this morning, but those birds start singing much earlier. I’m glad that they do because it makes everything sound so much more cheerful.

My new summer cardigan arrived yesterday. I waited for it half of the afternoon and then had enough sense to look in the mailbox where it was. I could finally take the dog for his walk and he was eager to go. The cardigan is lovely and the weather was just right for it. I have enough clothes that will match it and I’m going to wear it often. I do love cardigans as they can complete an outfit perfectly and they are good if the weather is just a bit chilly, but too warm for a jacket.  I got it on sale and saved 25 Euros. That was a good deal, I thought.

I watched ‘Midsomer Murders’ last night and went to bed late. It was a satisfactory episode, as usual. There’s always enough of a twist at the end to  have a surprising outcome. I went to sleep at midnight listening to a discussion on the radio about country music and why it had never caught on in this country. Apparently, a lot of people are not appreciative enough of the real stuff and think of country music as something to line dance to. These are the same sort of people that listen to singers of ‘life songs’ that we call ‘sad rags.’

I’ve switched from coffee to milk and I’m getting tired now. I will have to go back to bed because I’m starting to yawn. It will be lovely to go to sleep again.

I hope you’ll all have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

 

 

Some mind numbing information…

I woke up in a sweat, but I don’t think it’s because of menopause at all. I think it’s because of my anti-depressives and is a side effect from them. I used to get worse night sweats when I was on a higher dose of them and they have gotten a lot better since I cut it by half. I don’t have any other signs of menopause and I’m sure I’m well past it.

Since I had a complete hysterectomy and replacement hormone therapy, I never did go through it, except when I wasn’t on the proper dose of hormones and that was easily fixed. I do know what it is like to be emotionally irrational and to have hot flashes. I don’t have anything like that now.

I have become a completely a-sexual human being and don’t have any longing for it left in my body. It is the furthest thing from my mind and I could do without for the rest of my life. I have no desires left in that area. I don’t miss it one bit either. I wouldn’t mind a good hug and a cuddle, but I think that’s more a general human need. I don’t get turned on and I don’t mind that.

That’s more than you probably wanted to know about me, but we don’t generally discuss these things. I’m not worried about my non sexual state of being and I wouldn’t want other people to worry about theirs. There’s so much more to life than that. Everything does not revolve around sex.

That’s another reason I wouldn’t want another man in my life. I would hate to be bothered with a man with a sex drive while I have none. It would be a terrific problem as I would want a relationship that was strictly platonic. I don’t think there are many older men out there who are looking for that, especially since there is Viagra. I shudder at the thought.

In the meantime, I’m drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes and gently passing the night. Last night we had a huge thunderstorm and lots of rain. It was like a deluge. I went to sleep listening to the sound of it as it slowly passed overhead. It was a good way to go to sleep. I’m sure everything is very soaked now because we got enough rain. Everything was dripping wet when I let the dog out back just now. It was pleasantly cool outside too.

This came at the end of a warm and humid  day when I wasn’t sure of how to dress. I was fooled by the clouds that were in the sky and when I walked the dog, I was dressed too warm. Today it’s supposed to be a bit cooler and I will have to find the appropriate clothing. I ordered a summer cardigan on line and it will be here this afternoon. It’s still best to dress in layers so you can peel one off when it gets too warm.

I’m going to have a very uneventful day. See if I won’t like that. It’s going to be a very peaceful day filled with quiet moments. I will have lots of time to read my thriller. The most important part will be that my sanity will be intact. It has been for quite a while now and I appreciate it very much. Thank goodness for peaceful times.

I’m going back to bed now. I must finish sleeping. I wish it would rain some more to fall asleep to the sound of. Instead, I hear early birds singing.

Have a good  day.

Ciao,

Nora

 

 

In the safety of the night…

I’m writing this in the safety of the night with the aid of my cup of coffee and my cigarettes. Life wouldn’t be complete without them. Without my addictions that one day I will get over. I am sure of that. When I’m an old lady I will drink decaffeinated coffee and smoke smokeless cigarettes, the kind that work on loadable batteries. I just haven’t quite figured out the timing yet.

Anyway, I’m sitting here in the safety of the night, very cozily by the light of the desk lamp. I’ve got my pajamas and my socks on and the reason I’ve got my socks on, is because I’ve gotten into the habit of richly anointing my feet with well scented lotion every night before I go to bed. I not only anoint my feet, but my legs and arms and hands as well, especially the rough patches. I go to sleep slippery and smelling very nicely.

It’s become a regular ritual that I look forward to and thanks to a good friend, who spoiled me with some big tubes of very good scented lotions, I won’t run out very soon. After that, I have a whole big bottle of baby lotion. I didn’t realize it was such fun to spoil myself this way. My feet especially seem to benefit from this treatment as the roughness is getting a lot better and they are slowly turning smoother. I will have lily white soft feet yet.

So, I am taking care of my feminine duties after all and turning into a real woman. It comes with age, I think. I realized I have to take care of this middle aged body and help it along a little bit. Facial creme is next. Plain soap and water won’t do anymore. I’ll soon get wrinkles and I’ll have to start that battle. But I’m not going out and buying some expensive product that has some sort of expensive ingredient. I will get the plainest creme I can find.

As I’m writing this at a snail’s pace, it is slowly turning into morning and before long  the early birds are going to sing. Actually, I think I already hear the first ones.  They always make me feel that I should be in a rush and finish writing because I ought to get back to bed to get some more sleep. I’ve already switched to drinking milk and have left the coffee far behind me. Coffee is okay for the first two cups, but after that I’ve had enough. I’m always more than wide awake by then and ready to settle down again.

I’ll take my medicines and go back to bed. The Exfactor is going to be here some time later this morning to do the groceries. I want to be up and dressed before he gets here. We’ve been separated 3 years this month and it is unseemly to be seen in my pajamas by him. Besides, I don’t look my best in them.

I hope you’ll all have a good day. It’s going to be cloudy and cool here.

Ciao,

Nora

>…and then it was morning.

>

I’m sitting here with my third cup of coffee and it tastes very good. Thankfully, the Exfactor did the groceries yesterday and the cupboards and the refrigerator are filled with food again and I have milk! I don’t need to use powdered creamer in my coffee anymore. What a relief and therefor I’m enjoying every cup that I drink. 
I do know a good thing when I have it and I’m grateful for it, but I have to plan my milk consumption better. I have to not be so greedy at the start and save some for later. I run out the day before the groceries are done. If I’m careful, I should be able to make the milk last longer, but I love it so much. A glass of cold milk is one of the best treats of my day. 
I slept well and had an interesting dream in which I met a new man and I explained to him what it was like to be hypo-manic. As I did, the world around us changed into Technicolor shades of green and blue and yellow as if we were taking drugs and it was a surreal experience. Things were very beautiful and I guess that’s the point I was trying to make. 
I told him to take me out of my environment so I would no longer be mad. It was my environment that was making me so. He was a very normal man, as normal as they come. He was almost unrecognizable to me because of it. I guess I only recognize crazy people, or people who come with an instruction booklet. 
Yesterday, as I sat in the hairdresser’s chair in front of the mirror, I saw my scarred arms in the glaring light of the shop. It was very confrontational and I saw what other people see every day. My arms had gotten tanned and my scars were white. It looked very awful and I thought it was hard to go through life with arms looking like that. Luckily, I am normally not aware of them and don’t pay attention to them and I don’t think of what other people see.I think that’s for the best. Oblivion is a good thing. 
I saw my SPN in the afternoon and she told me that she’s going to be my SPN for only several more months. Her job is going to be moved to another city to which it will be impossible for me to commute. I have not yet reacted on a gut level to this news and have only taken it in as an abstract sort of knowledge. No doubt it will sink in later when I’m fully aware. I feel now that I have to detach myself from her emotionally and the sooner I start, the better.
I have to become more self sufficient  and self reliant. At least I’ll still have my psychiatrist, although he’s less good for the emotional issues. I’ll have to have less of those and concentrate more on the practical matters. My SPN is going on vacation in the month of June, so I’ll get ample opportunity to practice being self reliant then. 
The first birds have started to sing as it is now early in the morning. Sunrise won’t be for another hour. It’s supposed to be a pleasant and not too hot day today. I will interpret that in the best possible way and figure out which clothes to wear. I suppose I will start with layers and peel those off as the day progresses. 
Nobody is coming to the apartment today and I have no appointments. It will be a day to do chores and walk the dog as many times as possible. I hope the cat doesn’t bring another mouse home like she did yesterday. That’s turning into a bad habit of hers. The dog thinks it’s great fun, but I don’t think so. 
I hope you’ll all have a great day, dressed in the clothes you like with the kind of weather you want. And if you’re about to go to bed, sleep tight. 
Ciao,
Nora