The Dueling Dutch Woman

The Adventures of a Middle Aged Dutch Woman

Archive for bedtime

Early bedtime?

Apparently I’m not supposed to go to bed on time at night. It is completely futile that I do because I do nothing but lay there and waste my time trying to fall asleep. It would be wonderful if I dozed off, but I don’t even do such a thing. I’m just wide awake and completely aware of my surroundings. I have silent communications with the dog and the cat who can’t go to sleep either as long as I don’t.  We all toss and turn and switch positions to get the most comfortable we can be, but it is all to no avail until I finally announce that I’m getting up and that sets the troops in action. We all move to the living room where everybody finds their spot.

One of the problems was, that for some reason there was no British thriller on tonight. There’s going to be tomorrow night and the night after that, but none this evening. This p*ssed me off a little bit because I had gotten so used to there always being one. There was other ‘amusement’ on the TV, but it was nothing that I was happy with. As a result, I went to bed early thinking that I would be happy listening to the radio, but it wasn’t so. The subjects that were discussed didn’t interest me all that much and I was just out of sorts. Sleep seemed like a good solution, but it didn’t come, despite my sleeping pills.

I cut my hair today because I decided that it was too long and didn’t make me look good. That’s because I was wearing my glasses and I thought I looked like a very average run of the mill woman without any pizazz. I wanted to do something about that quickly so I grabbed the scissors and started cutting. I did do it very carefully and it turned out alright. At least I have more bounce to my hair now and it is a little perkier. I will have to go to the hairdresser to have it properly evened out in the back, but I can take my time doing that. I’ll see if I can go next week some time.

I was supposed to have a domestic help today, but she never showed up. I will have to call on Monday to find out what happened to her. I still haven’t got my regular Friday domestic help back and I don’t know what’s wrong with her. I haven’t seen her in ages, but I sure do miss her. She does such a nice thorough job of cleaning the place. I hope she’s back on the job soon.

It rained off and on all day and one time the dog and I got rained on when we were out for a walk. It wasn’t too much rain and we didn’t get too wet. We weren’t too far away from home because I had anticipated that it was going to rain. Next week, for a few days, the temperatures are going to be almost tropical and then we’ll have rain again. This crazy Dutch weather!

I’m sitting here dressed very warmly in my gray cardigan. I have the windows closed and the heater turned on because both the dog and I were cold. I will reverse all of that before I go back to bed. I like sleeping better in a cool bedroom. I just didn’t like sitting up feeling cold. I was desirous of warmth and so was the dog because he was shivering. He would after he had all of his curls cut off. He’s almost naked now.

He was sitting in front of the window for a long time this afternoon and I thought maybe he was contemplating his navel because there was nothing to see outside. Maybe he has a rich, secret inner life that requires a lot of pondering, although he’s really not the type for it because he’s way too optimistic and good natured. Maybe he has secret, happy thoughts. I can imagine that.

Sometimes the cat sits beside him and helps him look out the window. They both must be having the same fantasies while they stare into the distance at nothing at all. Not that much happens out in the street. Maybe it’s a form of meditation and it calms them down. Maybe I have animals that are into Buddhism the same as I am.

I think I will go to bed now. I do feel sleepy and I think it’s time. I hope I don’t feel the need to get up again tonight. It would be awfully misguided.

Ciao,

Nora

Staying up past my bedtime…

I tried to go to sleep, I really did. I made an honest effort and laid under the duvet with my eyes closed and my body as relaxed as I could get it. Then the animals started cavorting on the bed as if I wasn’t in it. I pushed them both off and started the falling asleep process all over again, but it was to no avail. I just couldn’t reach that magical state of mind called slumber. I was wide awake for some reason and I knew I had to get up and start the process over again from scratch.

So here I’m sitting with a cup of coffee only slightly dopey, but full of good intentions. The dopiness is from the sleeping pills I took that didn’t quite work and that give me a pleasant feeling of a slight drug inducement. I’m yawning a little bit, but it’s not so bad that the tears are running down my face. I’m not sleepy, but pleasantly high, though not to the point that I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. It will wear off in a while like it always does. It’s just a temporary condition. I’d like to feel this way always. Talk about escapism.

My two pairs of jeans arrived this afternoon and I needn’t have worried about them being too tight because they fit just fine. As a matter of fact, the next time I order jeans, I can get them a size smaller easily. They truly are skinny jeans and these are hip huggers and I can pull them off and on without unbuttoning or unzipping them. I have no bottom and no thighs. I wore the one pair for the rest of the day and they were very comfortable. I felt skinny and like I had long legs. That was a whole new experience.

I can greatly recommend getting skinny jeans if they fit you. They are ever so flattering and then of course, I have all these tops to go with them. I put what I wore with them in the laundry tonight and will have to get something out of my closet in the morning that’s equally exciting. No doubt I will find something. I want to look sexy at my age. I haven’t for such a long time and I want to look attractive at least from a distance. Never mind what I look like up close, although I do my best for that too.

The dog was trimmed this morning and when the Exfactor brought him home he looked like another dog. He was cut so short that I hardly recognized him. He looked feistier and less cuddly and seemed to act that way too. Of course, he was super excited from his outing and took some time to settle down. I spent the rest of the day playing with him and cuddling him so we could bond again. He sure appreciated that and it worked well. I felt that we needed to re-establish our relationship because he was being so silly.

While the dog was gone, the cat walked all over the apartment looking for him and she greeted him extensively when he came home. She does miss him when he is gone, even though he can be such a pest.

I gave the dog his new dog food in the afternoon and it seems we have a winner with this one. He emptied his bowl in one fell swoop. He usually dawdles over his food and takes forever to finish it. I think he used to eat with reluctance and now he eats with an appetite.

Tonight was another British thriller night and we had a new episode of Inspector Linley. This started 6 months after he had lost his wife Helen to the shooting and he was drowning his sorrow in booze, but got over it by solving a particularly horrid case. I was spellbound and on the edge of my seat. I do love Inspector Linley and his sidekick Barbara. It was a thoroughly satisfying evening, but it does put me to bed late. I don’t know yet what’s on tomorrow night, but I hope it’s equally exciting.

By the way, I answer your comments by writing a reply comment. You can keep track of those by clicking on the little box beside ‘notify me of follow up comments.’  I’m not ignoring you. I don’t know a better way to reply.

I think I’ll go back to bed to sleep some more.

Have a good day when you get up.

Ciao,

Nora

 

 

A new book…

I’ve been laying in bed for a couple of hours reading a new novel (The Hotel New Hampshire by John Irving) but I was not able to fall asleep. I got very caught up in the story and was unable to put the book down. It’s another one I’ve read before, but this time it’s long enough ago that I’ve forgotten a lot about it and it’s like reading a brand new book in a lot of ways. I do remember certain events as I read them, but not in great detail. It must be at least 25 years ago since I read this novel first.

As a result, I have to pay attention better and it’s taking me longer to read it. I can’t very smoothly get through it. The sometimes shocking things that happen in it do trip me up. It maybe is not such a good idea to read it in bed before going to sleep because it keeps me awake. I’m too unaware of what’s going to happen next and expect the worst. In John Irving’s novels the worst does happen.  I finally put the book away, but I was too wide awake to go to sleep. I’m hoping that sitting here for awhile will make me sleepy so I can go back to bed. I think that will happen sooner rather than later.

I’ve had one cup of coffee and am now drinking milk. A tall cool glass of it. I had the coffee to straighten out my head, it was so filled with images of that novel. It was like I had been immersed in a film and disconnected from reality. That’s the hard part about reading novels. You do need to reattach yourself to the real world around you. I always feel separated from it. I suppose I dislike that. I don’t like to be out of touch with reality and lost in make believe. Some books really do that to you.

It’s not been a bad day when you consider that ‘The Black Dog’ is still lurking in the background. He’s keeping a bit quiet, but he is there and growling occasionally to remind me of his presence. I’m doing much better than I was two days ago, so whatever I’m doing is the right thing.  That’s treating myself as kindly as I possibly can and not letting myself get pulled down by negative thinking. I don’t analyze myself or my situation. I find distraction helps the best.

I’m going back to bed. I hope you’re all having a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

 

Joviality…

Last night I started rereading ‘The Secret Scripture’ and I’m already halfway through it. Although I know the plot and the ending, I find that reading it the second time allows me to enjoy the beautiful language it is written in and to really let me enjoy all the wonderful details. It reads like very well written poetry and there’s a definite voice in it when the main character speaks. It’s like I’m listening to someone tell a well crafted story. So I’m not at all bored reading it another time, as a matter of fact, I enjoy it more and the story is penetrating better because I do know the outcome and I’m picking up more nuances now.

Rereading this novel is all in an effort to get me excited about reading again. I have not been able to finish any new book I’ve started and thought I had lost my love for reading. Luckily, I’m being proved wrong now and I may for a while reread other novels I’ve enjoyed a lot. They’re all on the bookcase or easily ordered, so that’s no problem. And because I can read them relatively quickly, I feel that I’m actually accomplishing something and have a lot to look forward to.

I even read in bed at the danger of falling asleep with the book in my hands and my reading glasses on my nose. The dog would have demolished both during the night if I had. Luckily, I remembered to put them away before I fell asleep. It was a good way to spend the early hour or two in bed. I don’t really know how long it took me to get sleepy. I was so wrapped up in reading and so comfortable that I lost track of time. I didn’t look at the alarm clock when I shut off the reading light. I very happily went straight to sleep.

I did wake up in a sweat again and had to stand outside by the back door while the dog did his thing out on the patio. It was lovely to be out in the cold night air and cool off. I stood there until I was properly chilled. Now I need my bathrobe because I’m getting a bit cold. That’s a luxurious problem too. I have the choice between being a bit cold and comfortably warm. I do appreciate my privileges.

In the meantime, it has become dawn and the birds are singing their early morning songs. They sound very cheerful and I hope they are not caught unawares by an eager cat. My own cat is sound asleep on the sofa, so at least I know they’re safe from her. It’s time for me to take my medicines and to go back to bed. I will read before I fall asleep again.

I hope you all have a nice Sunday.

Ciao,

Nora

 

 

 

An honest effort…

I woke up in a sweat with my hair all wet. I don’t know why, it’s not that warm in here and the bedroom window was open. They say it’s good to sleep with a cool head, that you sleep better then. That certainly didn’t apply to me tonight. I had a hot and sweaty head and woke up from it. I felt like laying a bag of frozen peas on it, but it’s cooling off as I sit here now with my cup of coffee and my hair is drying up. I think I will not wear socks when I go back to bed next. Maybe I should go to bed naked.

I took refuge in my bed early tonight because staying up was too much of an effort. The ‘black dog’ was breathing down my neck and making me think unpleasant thoughts that i was not in the mood for thinking. They were totally useless and unnecessary thoughts and served no purpose whatsoever. The only thing they did was get me down. I could think of only one escape and that was safely lying in bed listening to the radio. Luckily, that was almost enough of a diversion until I went to sleep.

Sleep is the only true diversion from my thoughts and when I wake up, I feel better for at least a while afterwards. Such are its restorative powers.

The Exfactor was here yesterday and he bought me a loaf of sliced white bread and a box of dark chocolate sprinkles. Now, when I have a craving, I have a slice of bread with that on it and I feel so good. It’s like manna from heaven. It satisfies my deepest longings. That’s the craving I always get when the ‘black dog’ is visiting. At least the gastric band limits how many of these slices of bread I can eat. I’m not a lost cause altogether.

There’s a part of me that wants to be upbeat and happy and that wants to fight against the downbeat and dark side of me. That must be because it’s the middle of the night and there’s room for both of them. It would be the only time that there were. I don’t feel this way during the day.

I just let the dog out back and stood outside by the back door. It was so nice and cool out there. It was very refreshing. I feel properly chilled now and am going to have to put on my bathrobe. There was moonshine with just a few clouds and no wind, just cold night air. It would have been nice to have gone for a walk in it, but I’m too chicken to do it.

In spite of everything, yesterday went by quickly. There was some respite in the form of television, but I was put off by what I saw on the news and the weekly chat with the prime minister who’s as slippery as an eel. My toes curl when I listen to him talk. He’s so very much not my favorite person. I wouldn’t shake his hand if I met him.

There’s a lot of nonsense on television in the summer season which has already started. It’s when you have to push the off button and refuse to watch it. It’s the negative aspect of summertime.

I’m going to have to go back to bed.  I’m not really ready to, but I don’t know what else to do. There’s no other sort of trouble I can get into. I’m going to have to be well behaved.

Ciao,

Nora

 

 

 

 

 

No rest for the wicked…

I’ve barely slept yet. I decided to go to bed early, but the dog just jumped on the bed and decided to lick me awake very enthusiastically. It turned out that he had to go out back for a piddle an this is a new tactic for waking me up. I must say that I prefer it to being barked awake. This is a much kinder way of being woken up. There’s nothing like being slobbered in the face by a happy puppy. I had to push him off me in order to be able to get up, but he figured that out quickly enough. He’s a pretty hefty dog and hard to move, so it helps if he co-operates. .

Now he’s lying by my feet and he’s sound asleep. Actually, he ‘s lying on top of my feet as is his usual thing to do. He needs to be in the closest contact with me and I can’t move my feet, even though I have to eventually. I’ll get cramp in my legs if I don’t. Other than that, it’s nice and warm to have him lie there. At least I don’t need to wear socks. His body always generates heat.

I don’t know what happened to the cat in all the turmoil. She was lying beside my pillows, but I think maybe she went outside too. I haven’t seen her since and she must be on the prowl. As long as she doesn’t come home with a mouse, it’s okay… No, I just checked. She’s still asleep on the bed. She’s a good loyal cat. She knows when she’s comfortable. Apparently the dog’s antics didn’t bother her one bit. That goes to show you that she is used to quite a bit.

I’m so sleepy headed still. I’m making myself a small pot of freshly brewed coffee. Hopefully that will perk me up for a while. At least until I get ready to go back to bed again. By that time I will be drinking cold milk. I had two glasses of mild orange juice last night and took some antacid tablets and they really helped. I didn’t have my stomach bother me one bit. It is a good solution and I get my vitamin C in too.

Yesterday went well, even the visit with my personal helper did.  She was not so pushy and not micro managing me. Maybe that’s because I’m more assertive. It puts us more on equal footing, which is how it should be. I also found out that she has high blood pressure and that she’s going through the menopause, so I must keep that in mind when dealing with her.

Well, I’ve been sitting here for half an hour now without anything to add so I think I will end this post and go do something else until I’m ready to go back to sleep.

I hope you’re all having a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

 

 

 

 

 

Can’t get my act together…

I laid in bed for two hours and couldn’t fall asleep. I tried my best by listening to the radio and being relaxed, but sleep would not come. I finally said, “The heck with that,” and got up and made myself some coffee. Now I will sit here until I get good and tired, although I am somewhat in a slightly sleep induced state of mind now. It just wasn’t enough to make me fall asleep. I had too many thoughts going through my head and the radio only distracted me more.

It must have been the subject matters that were discussed because they were all about problem areas in the world and what should be done about them and I felt very frustrated in not being able to do anything at all except being very well informed and knowing what I’m talking about. It might have been better to put on a CD by Erica Satie and have listened to his very soothing piano music. He was considered eccentric in his day and age, but I think he is perfect for this century.

I watched and listened to a repeat of the Prinsengracht concert this afternoon of 2010 and it was very lovely. The 30th one will be held this year and it is always a big happening that everyone looks forward to. There’s always a big soloist and a good soprano who sings arias. It’s held on a podium in a canal in the middle of Amsterdam surrounded by people in boats and on the docks and bridges. It’s got a good atmosphere and is a fine evening. There’s a sing along at the end. Young and old go to watch it. It gets you in a fine mood.

We had a brief shower this past evening when I was lying in bed. It sounded very cozy and I hoped it would last a while, but it was over in a few minutes. That was a short lived joy. It barely got the ground wet and didn’t amount to much. That was the rain that was predicted. It should have been a few showers like there are supposed to be today but I won’t hold my breath for them. We here in the very southern part of the country don’t always get the rain that is predicted. A lot of it passes by to the north of us.

I’ve run out of milk and have had to drink orange juice. Since this does not agree with my stomach so well, I’ve had to take stomach tablets that reduce the acid. Luckily, they work. I won’t get new milk until this morning when the Exfactor will get the groceries. I hope he doesn’t get here too late. Doing without milk is difficult. It’s such a soothing beverage for me.

Yesterday was the last day off. Today is not a holiday anymore, but not a lot is going to be happening. It will be a rather peaceful day and only my psychiatrist is going to call me to inquire about my state of mind. I will be able to tell him that it is good after having reduced the medication.  It’s the anti-psychotics that I’ve reduced and I feel fine. I did that two weeks ago and have had no bad effects from it. i have to reduce them one more milligram.

I’ve got to think about the clothes I’m going to wear tomorrow. It’s going to be cloudy but not too cold. Still, I’ll want to wear a cardigan. I want to wear my red one for the cheerfulness of it. I have to think about the rest of the clothes I want to wear with it. Or maybe I’ll pick something completely different. It depends on what skirt I can find to fit me. I washed the one that’s my favorite and it’s not dry yet. The possibilities dazzle my mind.

I’ve got to go back to sleep now and make sure I get up on time in the morning. I can’t stay in bed endlessly, much as I’d like to. Sometimes I do have to act like a responsible person and get up before I’m ready to. It’s really not as painful as I make it sound. It just hurts a little bit.

Have a good morning when you get up.

Ciao,

Nora