The Dueling Dutch Woman

The Adventures of a Middle Aged Dutch Woman

Walking the dog…

That’s the last chore I had to do today and now my time is all my own. I can do with it as I please and I have several hours left to go before it’s time to go to bed. Since I’m going be there on my own, I’m not in a hurry to go. It would be different if George Clooney were in it, but since he’s not going to be, I’ll not rush to get in it. I’ll take my time and sit in my bathrobe and watch dumb programs on television.

I don’t think I’m going to be lucky with men any time soon. Actually, I only glance at young unavailable men and they don’t look at me. I never look at men that would be more suitable for me. I’m completely not interested in them. They are so elderly and saggy and not well taken care of. They look like they need a good wife to cook for them and to wash their clothes and I certainly don’t want to be one of those. If I pay attention to the men who check me out, I could start feeling real desperate.

I tell myself that I don’t need a man in my life to make me happy and for the most part that is true. I’m doing better without a man than I did with one. I’m emotionally healthier. I haven’t had much luck with men and my experiences have not been good ones, although I do have to add that it hasn’t all been horrid and my memories are a mixed bag of emotions. I probably never picked very good men to be with and now that I’m a more mature human being, I’ve come to realize that I don’t really need one.

It’s when you know you don’t need a man that it’s nice to have one, but they don’t hang around on street corners to take home as you like. And every human being comes with an instruction booklet and has to be handled with care, as you do yourself. I don’t know if I’m willing to make the effort to work that hard on a new relationship. It’s always give and take and I don’t know how much I’m willing to give. I may have gotten very selfish, though it is possible that when you love someone enough, you are willing to give a lot.

I don’t know. I’m very suspicious of feelings called love. Not the ones I have for my child. Those come as natural as sunshine and rain. I mean the love that you are supposed to feel for another human being who is really a stranger to you. Who you are supposed to fall ‘in love’ with. I don’t really know if I’m capable of doing that in a very healthy manner. I don’t think I’ve ever learned to do that properly. I always seem to fall into some sort of a codependent relationship. Mutually very destructive.

I didn’t have very good role models when I was growing up and that hindered me for a large period in my life in forming healthy relationships. It took a long time for me to work that all out. I’d already had several unsuccessful relationships before I did. It’s now that I’m single, and have gotten to know myself, that I realize how I function inside a relationship. I never would have known this if I had been married to somebody. I wouldn’t have gained the knowledge about myself as part of a couple.

George Clooney could be a one night stand, though. I’m sure he could have another woman every night as he pleased. He’s such a hunk of man that he’ll have no shortage of women that adore him. I don’t even know if I necessarily want to go to bed with him. If I just got to hug him and snuggle with him I think I would be happy too. It would be nice just to look at him and gaze in his eyes. Maybe feel the muscles in his arms and chest a little bit.

At my age all you need is to be wined and dined and have nice things said to you. An intelligent conversation would be nice. I would love to have someone to do that with and who would take me to the theater  and to museums. I need to be culturally fed. I’m starved.

If you see a spare, well off man walking around, send him my way. I’ll know what to do with him.




1 Comment»

  Maggie May wrote @

You know……. this could be my son speaking, but of course its would be a reversal of the sexes…… women!
Maggie X

Nuts in May

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